Monday, January 15, 2007

Dreamland, part 1

With nothing much to write about lately, I thought perhaps I'd jot down a few outlines of some recent dreams I've been having. As a general rule I either don't dream at all, or I have never really remembered my dreams, for the most part. For some strange reason; however, I've been having some strange dreams and remembering them quite vividly the last week or two. I'll submit them here as they come, and perhaps one of you dream-deciphering freaks can tell me what they all mean.

I start out leaving the house with my lovely wife and my mother-in-law. We get in the car, and my wife says we need to stop by "a house" for a minute. We pull up to a house that as far as I know I've never seen before. I park in the drive, and the three of us get out of the car and walk up the walk, up a short set of stairs, and into a sort of breezeway. My wife or mother-in-law (I don't remember which) tells me, "Wait here, we'll be right back" and the two of them leave me in this breezeway and disappear through some double doors into the main part of the house. I wait what seems like forever, and some man (?!?!) who I don't know comes through the doors and says, "It will be a while longer..." As he speaks, he leaves the doors open behind him and I can see into what is a huge banquet hall, where people are all seated at tables, eating and talking. I didn't see anyone I knew at the table, and most of them seemed like old people. Picture a bingo game, but with food instead of bingo cards ... that's what I saw. I walk outside, looking for something to do while I wait, and there are kids EVERYWHERE. (When we had arrived, the yard was empty.)

I walk down the aforementioned stairs and begin walking along the driveway, towards the car, when I step on something that is hissing. I quickly realize that I've stepped on a lit fuse of some sort and I take off running up the driveway. I get to the top of the driveway, near a sort of detached garage that more resembled a stable, and there is an explosion behind me. The roman candle (as I now realize it was) that I stepped on has erupted, and is firing balls of fire in my direction... I run away from the shooting balls of fire, but get struck on the inside of the right bicep, then I get shot in the ass by a ball of flame, which sticks to my right ass cheek and continues to burn into my buttflesh (a word?) as I roll on the ground screaming and crying like a woman. the burning continues, as does my decidedly unmanly wailing and crying, rolling on the ground.

Once the roman candle stops shooting, I run over to where the kids are, and grab up a HUGE armload of fireworks, saying, "I'm going to tell your fathers!" I stomp toward the house with the armload of fireworks, and get to the back stairs, which I find have dissolved. (Yes, I wrote the stairs "dissolved" ... it's a flippin' dream, work with me here.) I have to climb up onto the patio, doing a crazy mantle move with an armload of fireworks, then flop onto the patio, somehow without dropping a single bottle rocket.

I walk into what I can only describe as a mud room in an old farmhouse, and stand there asking all the people walking by (suddenly, this mud room is like grand central station) where I can get rid of the fireworks, but no one answers. In frustration, I throw the armload of fireworks into the clothes washer nearby, and turn it on, saying, "This will take care of it."

My wife appears, and says she's been looking for me, and she's ready to leave, as soon I change shirts. (Because of course I have a shirt in this strange house...) I take my shirt off, and the skin on my torso is all beginning to fall away and peel off. My wife and I shrug at each other, and I put a new shirt on, and we go home.

At home, I again take my shirt off in front of a mirror (Which anyone who has seen me shirtless knows automatically makes this a nightmare rather than a dream) and the flesh is continuing to slough off, leaving only muscle behind. My wife shrugs and says, "Well, at least it's only your fat that is melting off." but then goes on to suggest that I see a doctor about the burnt hole on my ass cheek from the roman candle. I reach back and feel a melted crater where my right ass cheek once was and say, "Yeah, I'll go to the doctor."

About that time, my kids wake me up and ask for toaster waffles before it's time for school.

So... let's hear it from my dream-deciphering friends... what the hell does this one mean?

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