Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Things Not to do in a Job Interview

Having been involved in one way or another in the hiring process at work for several years now, I have had ample opportunity to witness first hand some of the most incredibly stupid behavior on the part of applicants. Recently when a dear friend asked me for some help preparing herself for a job interview I thought to myself, "Self, others might benefit from your wealth of experience in this area." I quickly agreed with myself and added, "Self, you should blog this." So here I am.

I should note that my intention here is not to write a blog helping to prepare you for your next interview. If you want interview tips, a simple google search should yield a plethora of information. If you are too lazy to google, check out the DOL website. If you found this blog whilst looking in earnest for some hot interview tips, you might be at the wrong place. If, on the other hand, you read interview tips at those other places and find yourself wondering, "Is it OK to show up to the interview talking on my cell phone?" (Because those other sites didn't specifically forbid it...) Then perhaps you are a complete idiot, and perhaps you should read my tips below.

Eric's list of Things Not to do in a Job Interview:

1. Do not show up to the interview dressed like a busboy.
2. Do not make fun of one of the interviewers for being bald.
3. The reason you want the job is not, "For the money."
4. Spit out your damn gum!
5. Related to the above: your grade-school teacher's admonition, "Did you bring enough to share with everyone?" does not apply in an interview setting. Don't offer me a stick of your gum.
6. Also related to #4 above: I meant for you to spit out your damn gum before you enter the room. Not in the interviwer's trashcan.
7. No matter how cool it was in 1982, your best matching jean jacket, jean shirt, and bluejeans are not appropriate interview apparel.
8. When asked why you left a previous business, the response, "It was retarded" is generally a poor answer.
9. "Nothing, really." is not the best response to the question, "What do you know about our company?" If; however, you decide to impress the interviewer with facts you know about the organization, make sure your facts are correct.
10. When asked if you think the position you are interviewing for, "sounds like something you could do..." a little more enthusiasm than, "I could try" is in order.
11. You probably shouldn't tell the interviewer that you want the job so bad you called in sick from your current job so you could attend the interview.
12. Incessantly repetitious nervous laughter doesn't put me at ease. As a matter of fact, it makes me think you are nuts and need your lithium.
13. I know your divorce was probably a painful experience for you, but do you really need to share that with me in a job interview?
14. When I go to the lobby to escort you in, don't say, "Just a sec..." while you wrap up your cell phone call.
15. Don't call me by my first name. We're not friends, and it's quite likely that even in the off chance you get the job, we still won't be friends.
16. Name dropping. It might be best if for a personal reference you don't drop the name of someone the company recently fired. YMMV, however.
17. Yes, the young lady who is assisting with the interviews is attractive. It would be nice if you broke eye contact with her breasts on occasion, though.
18. Don't wink at me. I'm straight. (That's for the guys only. No woman would ever consider winking at my ugly mug.)
19. Ladies: dressing like a tramp won't endear you to the interviewer. Unless of course you are interviewing for the position of, "tramp."
20. "I think smoking is disgusting..." might be a rather strong statement. Don't get me wrong, so do I; but someone on the panel is likely a smoker.
21. Speaking of smoking, do not show up smelling like a stale ashtray.
22. Speaking of smelling ... don't.

I'm sure more will come to me later... I might have to add to this list slowly over time.


Blogger David Collins said...

I have told you before BOOBS are distracting. (see previous post) Your list is good. I wonder if anyone has ever brought a bottle of soda? I am curious what makes people with absolutely no shot at working in a given profession even apply in the first place.

9:39 AM  

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